(This talk was given at St Wullfran's monthly Spirit Service in August 2024. These Spirit services have different themes and the one held in August each year is a celebration of LGBTQI+ communities. At this service we used the prayers recently approved by the Church of England to bless same sex couples called 'Prayers of Love and Faith'. The church was full to over flowing, joyful and many couples came forward for blessing. Many wept - for a variety of reasons but mostly for joy. A big thank you to Glide Memorial Church for this teaching that I have used extensively and Armistead Maupin’s letter from Michael to his Mother in 'More Tales of the City').
Over 10 years ago we held a service at church in Hove - not dissimilar to this one - but with one big difference. We are now able to bless same sex couples in church - and to speak quite plainly with you all - it's about time too!
At that service in Hove I talked about St Valentine - that patron Saint of Love ...the history behind Saint Valentine is not filled with chocolates, flowers or cards.....but incarceration and execution and all for the sake of love.
Valentine was a Roman priest in the 3rd century and the Roman Empire was under attack from a number of fronts and the emperor Claudius believed that the unmarried soldier fought harder and was more loyal if he was unmarried....so he banned marriage for soldiers right across the Roman Empire...
And this priest named Valentine believed that people should be able to share love with one another he secretly blessed people's relationships. …...what happened was that the roman authorities found out and he was arrested, beaten and eventually lost his head for it.
And my friends this is what Valentine Day is all about!
It doesn't have to be Valentine's Day for us to talk about love - and you know what I’m in love with love.
I mean the kind of love….that’s deep seated....I’m not gong anywhere……for better or for worse...in good times and in bad…….in challenging times....I’m in your corner…... ...that kind of love.
The type of commitment for which a few centuries back a priest was prepared to give his life for. For the record I’m that kind of priest too.
The passage we heard from St Paul is a great passage that helps us understand this idea of total and wonderful love. This modern translation of the St Paul’s letter I think help make the point:
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,
”Doesn’t fly off the handle, Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back...
And it goes on to say…….’And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love’.
The Corinthians reading is a passage that can be used in many settings and I read it in many weddings but also at funerals.
What it is telling us is that the most important thing for us to do with our lives is to love...ourselves, each other, our families and our communities.
Love wants to know and be known...in all our glorious us diversity and difference.
Christ's key message is….love God…...Love and forgive yourself and love and forgive others. As simple and as complex as that.
St Paul described love as an action, a being, a force, not an emotion.
Love sees, love works, it doesn’t end, and while there are attempts to put up barriers that might divide us...love, love removes these barriers.
People of power and intolerance put up barriers. But you know...love breaks them down.
A parishioner of mine wrote to me recently after the counter protest in Brighton where those who were planning a racist violent riot in the city were stopped by people turning up and saying no to hate. She said ‘the Census and my mother declared Brighton to be a godless town. With a joyful Pride and a wholehearted ‘Not in my name’ in the same week, I’m not so sure about that’ ……and she is right.
Wherever we see love and the resistance against evil and all that is wrong in the world, there is the presence of the light we call God.
God is love and love is actively working in the world. This reading from St Paul teaches us that faith isn’t enough....even hope isn’t enough……Because you can know what’s right and still not do it.
How much of that do we see in our lives and in the world?
Love invites us to actively work in the world, to heal and form relationships, to build bridges, to become a force for peace and justice……love is active and invites us to take risks……
In 2014 we saw same sex marriage become legal....and it has been a source of joy for many. Our Government said everybody should be able to marry for love, regardless of who they are...that was unpopular to some…
And the same is true for the decision by the Church of England and the Roman Catholic Church to give same sex blessings (in certain circumstances) ….many people aren't happy.
For the record I’m delighted and I’m happy to be with you this evening to make a stand for stand for love. Thank you for joining me in this stand.
You see I believe love invites us to give, invites us to live... It asks us to take leaps of faith and trust. It asks us to forgive our enemies.
It asks us to speak up for those who have little. ...Those who are in pain...it invites us to stand up for those in need. ..to place ourselves alongside or even behind those of others…...you know what - love makes you a little queer....
In this sense...
It invites us to delve into the needs and problems of ourselves and of society…...to understand others and challenge ourselves ...to stop putting ourselves at the centre of the world and put others first.
And in doing this we stumble upon the very heart of God...because God so loved the world he gave - he loved the world and gave everything.
You see good love makes you give even when its difficult ....but love never lets you down....
Love invites us to invest. ... And take risks...as I just said - right now there is a lot of turmoil in the Church of England regarding these same sex blessings. Some ask why do you stay in the church and how are you able to reconcile this???
I have two answers -
At times when I am tired and wounded, my response is I really have no idea….and I can barely lift my head up.
But when I’m more myself - I answer for the same reason I stay in the United Kingdom or in Brighton and Hove....because I love these communities.
Because I love them I am committed to helping myself and them get better. If I don’t stay...who will? If we don’t stay ...who will..?? If we don't make a stand for love, who will?
I’m not perfect and I don’t stay in places because they are perfect. I stay in places that want to keep getting better.
In love we have to stand up, help those in need and tell the truth.
I love my church, my city and my county and I will be there to defend it to protect it and if need be I will work to improve it.
Mother Theresa said ‘the hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread’. She was right.
We need to stop putting things on God that have nothing to do with the divine ...making God the scapegoat for people's own intolerance and hatred because God doesn't hate. God is love. As simple as that.
All people are God's people and all people are loved.
Brighton Pride’s motto this year was ‘We love because they can’t’.
‘We love because they can’t’...it was supposed to be about the freedom we have as citizens of a city to love - when in so many other places in the world it is illegal to be anything but straight or cis gendered - and in many places the death penalty is still in place.
The phrase also speaks to me about the struggles and intolerances towards the LGBTQI+ community in the church.
‘We love because they can't".
We were made for love. We live well when we love well.
A fellow priest at Pride carried the banner ‘God doesn't make mistakes’ and they are right of course.
From my teenage sense of deep shame to the happy person I am today I can say with confidence - God doesn’t make mistakes. I am a child of God - loved and made by love - to love.
We are a blessing of God. All of us. A blessing to our partners (on a good day!), friends, families, communities, work places, the church and our world.
All through history LGBTQI+ people have blessed society and the church…..Emperor Hadrian ( few ups and downs with this one), Leonardo da Vinci, Michael Angelo, William Shakespeare, Virginia Woolf, Josephine Baker, Albert Cashier , Oscar Wilde, Florence Nightingale, Alan Turing, Billie Holiday, Marsha P Johnson, Freddie Mercury, Billie Jean King… the list goes on and on….
I see my sexuality as a gift from God. It is how I love my partner of 28 years and so it is the most precious thing to me.
I am blessed and so are you.
Many of you will know Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City books - I absolutely love them - they remind me of some of my own experiences and struggles and the joy I found in this wonderful sanctuary City of Brighton & Hove - similar in some ways to the better parts of San Francisco
In More Tales of the City, set in the 1970s the character Michael gets a letter from his parents talking about their revulsion and upset over gay people and gay rights and their support for a movement called ‘Save our Children’ by Anita Bryant.
He is so upset by this and writes back and I wanted to share some edited parts of this letter with you this evening.
Dear Mama,
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write. Every time I try to write to you and Papa I realise I'm not saying the things that are in my heart. That would be O.K., if I loved you any less than I do, but you are still my parents and I am still your child. I have friends who think I'm foolish to write this letter.
I hope especially that you'll see this as an act of love on my part, a sign of my continuing need to share my life with you. I wouldn't have written, I guess, if you hadn't told me about your involvement in the Save Our Children campaign.
That, more than anything, made it clear that my responsibility was to tell you the truth, that your own child is homosexual, and that I never needed saving from anything except the cruel and ignorant piety of people like Anita Bryant.
I'm sorry, Mama. Not for what I am, but for how you must feel at this moment. I know what that feeling is, for I felt it for most of my life. Revulsion, shame, disbelief - rejection through fear of something I knew, even as a child, was as basic to my nature as the colour of my eyes.
No, Mama, I wasn't "recruited." But you know what? I wish someone had. I wish someone wiser than the people in Orlando had taken me aside and said, "You're all right, kid. You can grow up to be a doctor or a teacher just like anyone else. You're not crazy or sick or evil. You can succeed and be happy and find peace with friends - all kinds of friends.
Most of all, though, you can love and be loved, without hating yourself for it." But no one ever said that to me, Mama. I had to find it out on my own, with the help of the city that has become my home.
I know this may be hard for you to believe, but San Francisco is full of men and women, both straight and gay. These aren't radicals or weirdos, Mama. They are shop clerks and bankers and little old ladies and people who nod and smile to you when you meet them on the bus. Their attitude is neither patronising nor pitying.
I know what you must be thinking now. You're asking yourself: What did we do wrong? How did we let this happen? Which one of us made him that way? All I know is this: If you and Papa are responsible for the way I am, then I thank you with all my heart, for it's the light and the joy of my life.
I know I can't tell you what it is to be gay. But I can tell you what it's not. It's not hiding behind words, Mama. It's not fearing your body….It's not judging your neighbour, except when he's crass or unkind. Being gay has taught me tolerance, compassion and humility. It has shown me the limitless possibilities of living. It has given me people whose kindness and sensitivity have provided a constant source of strength.
It has brought me into the family of man, Mama, and I like it here. I like it.
There's not much else I can say, except that I'm the same Michael you've always known. You just know me better now. I have never consciously done anything to hurt you. I never will. Please don't feel you have to answer this right away. It's enough for me to know that I no longer have to lie to the people who taught me to value the truth.
Your loving son, Michael
I know who made me this way - God and God doesn't make mistakes and I thank him with all my heart, for like Michael in tales of the city, it is the light and the joy of my life…and hope, whatever way you love - it is the same for you.
A final few thoughts.....Life and human relationships are complex and even in good relationships its hard work... faith, hope and love are the things that see us through…... They are the light that keeps us on track.
If things are tough for you right now - if there is conflict, you feel alone or lost…try to remember us here at St Wulfran’s – this faith, this love and this support - this inheritance of love stored up for you – and have faith, that in this love there is strength and blessings so large you are never alone.
Amen
After a short pause to catch our breath …..you will be invited to come to the chancel for prayers of dedication and blessing (from PLF) - and if it gets busy some other clergy allies. Don't be shy, join us in making a stand for love, and giving thanks for our blessings. Everyone and I mean everyone is welcome to come forward.
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